Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’

I have to admit, that being a mom is one of the hardest jobs anyone can ever have.   You hear people all the time say how rewarding it is, and how they (whoever THEY are) wouldn’t trade it for the world.   I believe those things too.   You don’t hear as often though, how draining it is, how easily it is to have your heart broken by watching them making mistakes that change the rest of their lives, by seeing others sabotage their progression of change and success and by having to sit back and let them take their own path.

My mom says I should write a book. A book about all the things we’ve gone through, or should I say that I’ve gone through. That would cover most of the WE part, because I certainly have not had to endure this all alone.   Sometimes it’s felt like it; ok it does feel like it…daily.   But I’m not alone; I just try to bare the burden myself. I don’t think anyone else should have to.

Life is just like they say (again with the THEY), a rollercoaster. Up and down, spinning in circles, making you sick enough to want to throw up and at other times laugh so hard you spit and pee. I sometimes I wonder if I’d rather be on a slow moving train across the country.   Patience however is not my virtue. It never has been.

I am the extreme hands-on parent, the “just let me do it” parent, and the “you’re not doing it right” parent. It’s not right, because it’s not MY way.   I have serious control issues, and I am an expert at micro managing.   I get so frustrated, when I’ve tried so hard to stand back and watch, and it’s not happening the way I think it should, I completely lose it. Crazy breaks out into a whole new level.   This doesn’t make for a very good productive and balanced relationship. I don’t know how to stop.   They say (who the hell are THEY), that control is an addiction.   Well, if I’m not the poster child for that one…

I wrote a ton of notes the other night, before a meeting with someone I thought might be able help me understand some of the double standard we are experiencing.   I wanted to assure myself that I was not completely off my rocker.   In that conversation I didn’t want to play the name game, the victim, or make excuses for anything, so I wrote down what I thought might be worth sharing.   And during that time of reflection and searching, for the right and most politically correct words to express my frustrations and anger, I actually was able to define how I felt at that very moment as a mom.

Need me; I’m a mom.
Ask for guidance; I advise.
Trust no one; I’m a friend.
Manipulate and lie; I’m gone.

That says it all. The lady I met with validated my feelings, shared her frustrations as well and gave me suggestions that I didn’t want to hear. None of it was immediate, and none of it was a guarantee.   It could potentially do more harm than good.   I was thinking more along the lines of plotting revenge, and was hoping for a partner in crime.

BUT
Isn’t there always a BUT?

But, as a mom…I can’t be “gone”, I can’t just “walk away”, I can’t just “give up”.  Mothers don’t do that.   My mom never ONCE gave up on me.   She didn’t always (and still doesn’t) like some of the choices I’ve made. She’s let me fall, and been there to help pick me up if I couldn’t manage it myself.   She has always been my rock.   I need to be that too. But damn it, sometimes these situations feel like they are impossible to turn around.

Why do people (as a whole) not just my daughter…manipulate? Lie blatantly; leave out parts of the truth.   Everyone has done it. No one is perfect.   I don’t expect perfect from ANYONE.   I can’t.   That leaves too much room for disappointment.   But then I’m back to thinking it has to be MY way. No wonder my daughter is afraid of me, and doesn’t want to share with me, tell me the horrible truths she keeps locked inside…and why she doesn’t want to disappoint me.   Because in her mind, based on my actions, she can’t be “perfect”. So why try.   My God. I feel like a monster.

For 22 years, I’ve struggled to teach her the truth about everything. The most important of those truths is to expect only the best of herself and for herself, because she deserves it.   To realize that life just isn’t ever fair.   (That is the lesson in life that NO ONE really can get his or her head around.) I guarantee I have told her entirely too much about my past, in hopes she would not make the same mistakes I’ve made throughout the years. I know I’m not the first person to say, that specific kind of parenting, no matter how you slice it, does NOT work like you think it should. Where is that Parenting Handbook, hasn’t it been written by now? I think there is a niche for it, and it would be a bigger success than the Crock Pot “Fix it and Forget it” cookbooks.

Going back to the thought about writing a book describing the multitude of learning experiences that have happened in our lives, to share with others, the battle scars and the successful achievements…I wouldn’t even know where to begin. And honestly, what a depressing read.

The last 22 months have been literally just like a puppet show. The puppet masters are holding the strings, dangling their control to the audience of life. Watching it is like being in the middle of a B rated horror show and having the chainsaw being waved in front of you, while you’re begging for them to just kill you and get it over with. Sounds pretty dramatic, doesn’t it? YES! It’s pretty accurate, and I want my money back.

Whoever said life is like a box of chocolates, is a liar. Real life is like being a bug, just waiting for someone to poison you, just after you’ve gotten your family all settled in somewhere safe, left to die a slow death. Or, I suppose it could also be like constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop and smash you into the serrated concrete, only to be thankful you went quickly.   Even the roses that smell good in the spring and summer eventually rot. I’m sure that’s why “take time to smell the roses” is such a well-known reference. They won’t always smell as sweet or look as pretty as they do in that moment.

And there again is that imaginary roller coaster that I want off so badly, because I constantly feel like vomiting.   Instead of “you must be this tall to ride”, it should say “you must not have children yet”, so the other laughing passengers can enjoy the ride, without having to change their clothes afterward.

My daughter is “The Center” of my universe.   Some may not think it’s healthy, for either of us, but until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes…

I’m learning from her every day. I’m watching her grow stronger every day in her sobriety (22 months!), watching her use her newfound tools to break through the doors that keep getting closed just as she’s trying to walk through them. Watching her setting boundaries with others, and someday she’ll be confident enough to set them for herself, and trust them. These are things that I struggle to do myself.

She’s so much like me. Some days we are able to step outside ourselves and see the future in the sun and clear skies and other days, stuck in a shit storm seeing no shelter in sight.   Unfortunately, we feed off each other. I know I’m supposed to be the strong one. That’s somewhere in my non-existent job description I’m sure of it, but is also one piece of parenting I feel very unqualified for.

Obviously, in our situation, running away is not an option. And truthfully there isn’t anywhere that would actually take away all of the difficulties that are going on forever.   I wouldn’t want anyone else’s problems, mine aren’t life threatening, so I’ll just stick with what I have and keep trying to start each day with a good attitude and quit looking at yesterday. Most times that is easier said than done.

All in all, though the past several years have been heart wrenching, terrifying, frustrating and sometimes even unbearable, I have a great support system of family and friends that help keep me out of jail and out of a straight jacket.

Today I will continue to be thankful that my daughter is alive, clean and sober and above all still loves me despite my extreme level of crazy. She is my center.

We got this YO!

My head has been a non-stop, unfocused, overthinking…circle of emotions.  My only comparison?   A hamster wheel.  I’m tired.

For the past two years +, my life has been beaten down, broken, hopeless at times and then attempted to be glued back together with broken promises, lies and manipulation.  As each day passes, some things do feel like they are falling into place, but then…my head starts spinning again.

I lose it.  I lose my ability to be concerned with myself because I’m so focused on everyone else.  Wanting to help. Be there to catch them.  Be the fixer.  The caregiver.   I feel like I am the only one who can do it all.  I don’t want to let go.

I want to be the one who keeps the friendships together, but why when the majority of them aren’t putting in any effort?  The one who checks in on Family who has no one else to visit with, to share with.   I don’t want anything in return.  Just to know my presence is welcomed.

BabyAm is no longer my “baby”…that’s a hard chunk to swallow.  She has put herself in the shitty situation she’s in, all by herself.  As a Mom, I can’t stand watching her learn the hard way.  I gave her the easy directions but they must have been misplaced somewhere along the way. I believe in her.  I have blind faith that she will continue to work through the mud and guck that got her stuck here in the first place.   She’s beautiful and smart…although sometimes to her detriment, but I know she can succeed in anything she puts her mind to!

She has been living at the Women’s Mission for about 7 weeks now.  That does not feel right.  Though we set a date for her to move out, the courts took her out 1st, ordered her to the Women’ Mission and among other things, placed a no contact order on our house.  We can still see her, just not here.  That makes things almost impossible.  She’s working a full time day job, has Drug court classes 4 nights a week, AA meetings and strict curfew rules at the shelter.  Did I just say shelter…ugh.  No parent should have to go through this.  I rarely get to see her and even talking or texting is hit and miss with her schedule.  Sober friends usually get her free time, which breaks my heart but I try and understand she’s trying to grow up and help us both let go of each other.   I hate it. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t have a daughter…I feel an empty spot where she’s supposed to be.  She’s where she is supposed to be tho.  She will get the direction she needs from others to grow and flourish in this big world. The world that needs her experiences to pass on to others who need comfort and encouragement, from someone who KNOWS and understands just where they are, loves/accepts them for just who they are until they can love themselves.   I know this all has happened for a reason.  I can’t wait to see what great things come out of this!!

As for me, I’ve been to counseling off and on, been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, BiPolar II, and been re diagnosed with ADHD.  Fun stuff.  2 years of taking my mood stabilizer for the BiPolar, I began having tremors.  Gradually getting worse and worse.  So much that my beautiful hand writing looked just like a 90 year old man’s.  Very rough.  I felt as if I was going to go crazy.  Not being able to text, to type on the laptop keyboard, not being able to hold a fork steady enough to get it into my mouth, or keep my legs from bouncing up and down (in public no less).

All of this happening while changing med doctors 3 times, and counselor twice… No fault of my own.  The newest med doc started from the beginning with me, and immediately took me off the medicine she thought was causing the tremors…6 weeks later…90% better! Writing like my own self again.  Some days are worse than others but anything is better than it was!  She changed up my meds and decided that I needed to feel all these emotions right now.  That it’s healthy, and I’ve been so numbed up the past couple years that it was time to experience the reality of hurt, concern, anger and to feel happiness when I’m able.  I didn’t like hearing it, but I understood and accepted it.

Add into my own issues…KKs cancer returned, in her lungs this time and into her brain just as quickly.  She started out with 5 tumors in her brain…it’s now up to 8.  Some of them are new, some have grown, and a couple stayed the same.  She has two new lymph nodes growing in her lung in addition to the cancer mass.  In January (2014), the doctor gave her 6-12 months.  It’s now August. Her daughter GI Jane is expecting a little boy the end of Dec/1st of Jan…her 1st grandbaby!  Today started her 3rd round of radiation.   Possibly a third round of chemo as well…hoping for a few more months.  I want to be there for her again at every appointment, every radiation etc…but sometimes I don’t feel welcomed by others in her family.  They weren’t the ones sitting with her all day during chemo, watching the nurses pump poision into her body..so some days now are harder than others, but I manage.  Crying after almost every appointment once I get to my car.

Selfish moment here because I’m not the only one feeling this horrible heartache…but this is my best friend.  She’s only 44.  Why her?   Watching this happen for the past 4 1/2 years has been devastating. Seeing her sick, lose her hair, have blood clots in her legs, develop steroid induced diabetes that put her in the hospital for 3 days.  Her family…my heart just aches for them.   A daughter who is also going to lose her best friend and mother, a Grandbaby on the way, 8 year old little man and a husband who just got told that he needs back surgery ASAP…and his career is over.  What more can be throw at this precious family?

And on the home front here…well my rock, my wonderful…loving…patient…kind husband has his hands full at work.  He has been out of town so much this past year, and this month we have figured he will be gone 20 out of 31 days.  Tough.  We are trying to get used to the “Empty Nest” again but it’s even more empty without him.  I know that’s how he supports us, so I support him and his job. It doesn’t make it suck any less tho.  This man is my world.  I love him dearly.

There’s still more to share, but another day.

Overall, things are ok.  Very up and down. Just like me every night.  But it’s just still gotta be “One Day at a Time”.  Right?  Sometimes one hour, one minute, one second…

In trying to find a proper title for this post this song came to mind…

Toby Keith – I wanna talk about me.

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think
What I like
What I know
What I want
What I see

Thing is…I am not sure who this post really is about.   Ok, it’s about me.

I know I have issues.   I do.  I however, unlike some, am trying to figure out if I’m alone, with a bunch of other “on the verge of tears” mothers, or if I’m just completely insane.   I know you want to, but don’t answer that question just yet.

I wonder…am I vain? Stuck up?  Do I think I’m better than everyone else?  Do I honestly believe that there is no one else goes through this kind of B.S.?

I am the best mom, wife, friend and daughter I can be.  I am pretty sure that none of it comes easy for anyone else either…so why don’t I share my trials and tribulations with my friends?   How is it that I can share ‘this’ with YOU, ‘that’ with HER and then ‘this other crap’ with HIM?

Why can’t I just tell ALL of my friends and family ALL of it?

I’ve come to the conclusion (whether it’s right or wrong) that I don’t want you to judge me, my husband, or my daughter…and though I really believe that no one wants to be judgmental…they still are.

Some of my friends have said very sweet things to me to help me through these tough times.  Things like: she is in college, she is working, she’s not pregnant or doing drugs…(yes but did you know that she’s really great about putting herself in dangerous situations and one of my biggest fears is having the police tell me they found her dead in a dumpster?)    And other things like:  Just because she choses to make bad decisions, doesn’t mean it’s a refection on you or your parenting, it’s her choice.  (yes, but OMG do you not realize that I have taught her better?  If “A” could=$$$ and “B” could=Trouble…she will 99% of the time chose “B”.    Is she purposely trying to make me look like an idiot?  I think I can do that on my own thank you very much.)

Ya.  Welcome to my nightmare.

Recently I had one of my dear friends ask me if she had offended me or if she’d done something wrong because there was something that didn’t feel right about our relationship and it had been that way for a while.   That was very tough for me to answer when I have so much in my head about all of this.   I did the best I could.   I told her no, that we just don’t have as many things in common anymore.  Her kids are young, mine is not.  (I left it at that.)   I don’t know if I should have gone on to say…I scrapbook, make cards, and do a little genealogy here and there.  I have found solace in working for myself, helping other couples have the wonderful relationship opportunity that I have.  I sometimes go to the gym, email, and blog.  I love everything about technology.  She doesn’t do any of those things.   It doesn’t mean I don’t love her any less.  We are just at different points in our lives, I’m sure we will be in the same place again, and it hopefully will not seem like even a moment has past.  It’s just not that time right now for us.   And I don’t know what to do about that.

Each of my friends plays such a different role in my life.  There is a poem about that….

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;
their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

My point (there are so many sorry) is that I have so much to learn/gain/glean from each of my friends and family members but my insecurities right now are more prevalent than my head wants to believe.

One of the reasons that really stands out as to why I don’t share it ALL with everyone, is that I have friends and family who have children who (as seen through my eyes) are “scary” perfect.

Wow… now am I being judgmental?   That is not my intent.  I’m just working through this stuff.   I know that everyone has their own issues personally and with their children…but I don’t know what those issues are…so I assume there aren’t any because they know how to parent properly.    OMG my thinking is so twisted!!

I hear (the voices in my head) saying if only you did this…or didn’t do that.  What were you thinking when you let this happen?   Didn’t you see that coming?   Why didn’t you find a church after you left the “BIG” one?  Were you being too picky?   Would that have changed things?  Who knows.  So many “what if’s”…

I know there are a few people who read my blog that don’t really know me.  Really KNOW me—

I know there are friends from high school that I haven’t hung out with in years, or ever.  And how about an “ex” spouse or two, or three.  Not to mention both friends and family who have never met me…

—and frankly could think that I might be off my rocker, and/or unstable.   Thanks so much for the vote of confidence.    I say that with a giggle…really I do.   (Does this straight jacket come in Pink?)

But you know…here’s the thing.   I’m vomiting what others think/feel but are scared, ashamed, or are maybe too personally private to actually come out and say.  I know, from the bottom of my heart, that I cannot be the only one going through my own personal parenting HELL.

I also know that if you’ve not been in this spot yet, are not here right now, or seriously think that you won’t ever be here…ok yeah.  Be prepared because you WILL wake up from that Fairytale dream soon enough.  Enjoy it while you can.

Bullying, teen trash talk, locker partners stealing, friends who stab you in the back, boyfriends that are less than desirable, girlfriends who lead you on…the list goes on and on.   These wonderful life experiences don’t discriminate because you went to church, or your kid was in soccer or dance.   I thought mine was going to devour an entire library at one point because she couldn’t stop reading.    She even read about the crap that is going on now…so that was some seriously wasted reading time.

One of my favorite parenting life experiences, that some of you might not want to believe, is a tough one to swallow.  Ready?    Did you know that your precious child WILL actually LIE to you, point blank, right to your face.   Yes, they WILL.  You just might not know, or want to know.   It will crush you.  After all…you taught them better, right?

Your child does not/will not swear right?  Will not sneak out, have premarital sex, drink, smoke, do drugs, have a fake ID.    Will not shoplift, will not leave the house in one outfit and change into another around the corner.  Your child will not look at porn, will not talk to strangers, will not meet someone on the Internet.  <Heavy Sigh>

You talked until you were blue in the face.  You will continue to do it.   You have taken all the steps to ensure Internet safety (from all the freaks) and safe surfing (so they don’t have to wash their eyes out with bleach)… You have even shared all the stories on the news about kids being kidnapped, raped and killed.  And you didn’t forget to discuss consequences like jail and how babies are made, STD’s and HIV.   <Insert another heavy sigh here>

Wow, really there’s more…?

  • morals
  • values
  • politics
  • religion
  • respect
  • …and that list goes on too.

I am telling you all of this because I needed to work through this stage of parenting with someone (all of you).  I needed to remind myself that I am not alone.   Each and every one of you will have your own issues to deal with when it comes to your children.  Some of them will be worse than mine; some of them will be trivial compared.

But the fact is still the same:  I don’t want to share the crappy stuff with any of you about what’s going on here for me as a parent, because I don’t want you to think any less of me…of my husband, my daughter or my boys.

And as I figured before I started this post, I got nowhere.

I am so blessed to know the hearts of a handful of you that read this…so I know you will tell me that you won’t judge, and that I’m free to share.   Thank you.   I will probably still not share ALL of it with ALL of you.

Why?   Because I want you all to believe that I am the best wife, best parent, best daughter, and friend out there…and that I have it all together.  And I want you to know that I have the best husband, the best daughter, the best sons and the best parents and friends out there too…because I do.

I hope you understand.  I also hope that when you feel like you’re all alone (and you’re in this spot where I am right now) that you know that no matter how bad it is you’re REALLY NOT alone, and that someone out there has it worse than you do.   For that I am sad, yet thankful.

Now you can answer me…am I alone, with a bunch of other “on the verge of tears” mothers, or am I just completely insane?

Did someone say parenting came with a manual?
If they did…THEY LIED.

Tune in next time for more fun topics like:

  • Oh, the wireless code?  That’ll be $29.95 in advance please.
  • What?  Our washer and dryer are coin operated?
  • Your house key won’t work after 1am?  I wonder why?

And my personal favorite:

  • You’re moving out?  But who will tie your shoes?

And now my wonderful friends…
I think I can finally sleep.
Goodnight Moon.   It’s 3:51am

This cracks me up!  Partially because I kind of miss it! 

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One less. 
Your daughter could be one less…
Our’s is.
 

I just think this is important.  
And I wish I could shout it from the rooftops!

Don’t wait to call your insurance company! 

It just so happens that BabyAm’s insurance company covered these Gardisil shots at 100% – they consider it a vaccination.  

And even if your insurance company doesn’t cover it, I still believe it will be worth every single penny to be able to save someone you love from cervical cancer.   Don’t you think?  Click the icon above for more information about HPV and Gardisil.

In the morning (Monday), about 7am we will no longer be grandparents.   I think that’s a good thing.  It’s been nice to have a baby around for me, I needed a baby fix.   Though it was pretty close to real, I don’t think I got attached.   I needed facial expressions and a baby that can kick and move it’s arms.  These move, but you have to move them yourself.

Last night, we watched a movie, afterwards we all (the kids, the baby, Hubby and I) piled into the truck and headed out to ice cream.   The kids weren’t too awful excited about taking the baby in public, but they handled it pretty well.  They did get some strange looks, when people saw that it was NOT the same color as they were, but the kids stayed calm and didn’t blink an eye.  Belt Buckle carried the diaper bag in, and then he carried the baby out.   It was sweet.

Today they went to the grocery store (by themselves w/the baby) and got some pies for dessert, and they took the baby in, in it’s carrier.   Then they headed to get a couple more movies, and just carried the baby in, without the carrier.   Again, more strange looks but hey…that’s what happens when you’re young and have a baby, so I’m sure it was something new to people, especially if they saw it was not real. 

I took a couple pictures, not many because there weren’t any “great shots” but these will have to do.  And Belt Buckle isn’t one for pictures, so I have to get them when I can.   He’s so funny!

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Cute pictures huh?

I think the baby is getting  a little “bug”.  He has a little cough.  I told BabyAm to mention that to her teacher tomorrow (lol).  We (a little too late) looked up the baby and the information on how it’s tracked.  If you want to learn more about it, click here.  And if you want to see the report that the teacher prints out, you can find it here toward the bottom, but do read through that page, it’s pretty interesting.  They have a tobacco prevention program too.  Very cool stuff.

I have mixed emotions about the baby going back to school tomorrow, but I am thankful that it’s really opened the kid’s eyes to a little taste of parenthood.  Both are sure that they want to wait until after college.   That is just fine with me. 

I should be able to get my REAL baby fix soon, as my friend Megan (that’s not her real name) just finally had her baby this afternoon.  A girl!  (I knew it!)   7 lbs, 7 oz and 21 inches long.    She said that JP (the baby’s initals) has some hair too!   She wasn’t due for another 2.5 weeks, but as you can tell by her weight…she was probably ready to come out!  Congrats to all of them!!!!  I can’t wait to see them.

Additionally, a couple great things happened to me today, that  I need to share. 

First of all, this afternoon, I got a text from The Dark Knight.   OMG, I love getting texts and calls from the boys, it just makes my day.   We shared probably 10 texts each that lasted over about an hour’s period.   I loved every second of it.   Something I just can’t explain!

And tonight, a miracle happened (well, I’d like to think it is).  I put on a pot of hot water, and then  Belt Buckle asked “are you making tea?”…when I replied that I was, he said “I’d like to try a cup”…you heard me right!!!  He wanted to try a cup of tea!  Amazing!!!!!   And so I gave him a shortbread finger to dip in it.   He liked both!  Whoooo Hoooo!  Now seriously I don’t know if he’ll ever have another cup, but that was definately cool.   (If you are reading this and you go to school with him, PLEASE don’t mention to him that he drank tea, PLEASE, you have no idea the progress that he’s made and I’d like to keep it that way.  Thanks!)  The only other male that will drink tea with me is Freckles, so now it’s just icing on the cake.   Two out of 3 of “my boys”…too awesome!

I hope you all had a great weekend.  I did.   But now it’s time for bed.  Goodnight Peeps!

Got your attention huh?    LOL

BabyAm and Belt Buckle brought home a bouncing baby boy yesterday from their Parenting and Child Development class (they have it together).  It’s about 3 months old, and it’s computerized.  WOW, technology has really changed!

When I was in my “Home Ec” class in highschool, we had EGGS, we drew faces on them, and we packed them around with us for several days (and put them in the fridge at night to sleep).   But this is way more realistic.   This baby turned itself on at 4pm in the afternoon yesterday (Friday), he breathes, he eats (for about 10-15 minutes each time), he sleeps, burps, cries (for different reasons including needing a diaper change), coos, and makes other baby talking sounds.  Amazing.   

They were sent home with a baby carrier/carseat, a blanket and a diaper bag.  The diaper bag was complete with two outfits, one is pajamas and one is an outfit to go out in, along with a little toy, a 5 oz bottle with a sensor in it.  Then it also has two diapers for him, with magnets in them, so the computer can tell if/when he’s been changed.  There is a little bracelet with a sensor on it that you have to rub on the baby (in certain places) before doing any of the necessary things, so that the computer will recognize it is being done.

After school yesterday they headed to Belt Buckles’ house to show his parents the baby and have dinner.  Belt Buckle’s mom took this picture and sent it to me.  Sweet huh?  She fell asleep while they were making dinner.   How many of you have pictures like this (of you or someone else).  Too fun.  

 sleepin

This sweet baby came on the afternoon, after a 4:30 am morning finishing a big project for Belt Buckle.  If you can believe it, his partner never made herself available all week, never answered/returned phone calls or texts, and didn’t show up for school on the days they had that class (block schedule).   So, because she didn’t help, we all pitched in to get her piece done.   It was a big magazine project about WWII.  And if you know me, I’m not very history knowledgeable…so I helped with the picture stuff.  LOL  (me helping with the picture part is funny, not the project)

You can imagine after a long long night of home work, and 2.5 hours of sleep, how exciting it was for the kids that they became instant parents.   That’s pretty realistic.  And then during the evening, Belt Buckle found out he had to work all day today.   Again, that is pretty realistic too.   He was pretty ticked off, because he really (honestly) wanted to help out BabyAm.   He’s done a good job so far.   He seems to have the “what’s wrong with the baby” instinct.   Kinda funny if you ask me, cuz he’s not one for really liking “babies”.

As I type this, BabyAm is asleep on the couch, with a sweet sleeping baby who’s been fed (by her), changed (by her), burped (by Grandma…because she’s still afraid to pat the baby hard enough), and swaddled tightly (by Grandma…because I got him to burp so I just did it and then laid him down next to her).

This is about as real as it gets my friends, without really having a baby here.   It’s heavy too.  So strange.  This was only the first (just under) 18 hours.  He will turn himself off at 7am on Monday morning.  Stay tuned…more excitement to come! 

I am off to help out Mrs. Potts with lunch for the Judges at a Debate Tournament for a few hours.   So Grandpa (lol) will be around to help if necessary.

Well, the electric (pumpkin carving) knife that BabyAm bought while she and Belt Buckle picked out pumpkins this afternoon said “For Adult Use Only”…but they used it anyway, and other huge knives!

She always has to be the “rebel”. 

Eeeewwww!  Guts!

And may I introduce Tommy Lee,
The Supervisor!

That was hard work!  Down the Dew!

Four funny faces!

Ooooh!  Those are some scary pumpkins!  LOL
And he even brought home-made dessert…it was HEAVEN!

I’ve been so happy for BabyAm the past 36 hours that I have been rolling over and over in my head how to explain each and every event that’s happened.  Because I so want to share with all of you.   But I have thought alot about it and have decided that less is more in this case. 

In order to really help you all understand why we’ve let the events of the last two days happen, you’d have to honestly live in our house, in the midst of dysfunction, and in the hell we’re climing out of…surrounding one boy.  Yes, Liar Liar.   The thing is, to be fair, we really think he’s got more wrong with him (mentally) than meets the eye…things he might not even be aware of.   So in addition to being angry at him for watching him mentally batter our daughter, we all feel sorry for him because he just seems to not know any better. *sigh*

So, we have been telling BabyAm that until she closes the door (obviously) to him, no one will be able to walk in and show her what it should be like.   She closed the door (obviously) this last week.   And lo, and behold…out of nowhere entered Belt Buckle.   She didn’t know him.  Never had met him.  He is a friend of a friend and they were introduced.  

Now we have our suspicions, we think he might have noticed her long before this week…but whatever the case is.   He entered.  This helps take BabyAm’s mind off Liar Liar.  That is a good thing.  Nothing has been able to do that for months.  So this is a blessing, to us anyway.

If you know BabyAm, you know that she attracts drama like flypaper attracts flies.  There has been no real drama for about 10 days.   It’s been wonderful!  We’ve had one or two rough days, but mostly because Liar Liar has found a way to get to her, and she didn’t know what to do with it, so she was very angry (at everyone).   She doesn’t want to hear about him, see him, or have anything to do with him…not everyone gets that yet.

She has spent alot of time with Belt Buckle in the past 2 days.  Some of it (time) with friends, some of it his family, some of it with us, and very little time alone with him.  But she is very deserving of the freedom she was given.  And trust is earned, she’s trying to earn her trust back. 

I have not seen BabyAm this happy in MONTHS.   And she has been herself 100%, because she didn’t have to be someone she’s not…he didn’t know her before, so he’s getting nothing but BabyAm.  

  • Is he her knight in shining armour?  I don’t know.  I do know you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your prince charming though, right?  I say white horses and castles sound fun!
  • Is this all happening too quickly?   It’s highschool, nothing would surprise me.  
  • Are we crazy for letting her do this?   Absolutely not, this is a friendship that is growing, it seems to be growing correctly, honestly and with our permission.  Those three things make all the difference in the world, in our book. 
  • Is she falling for this guy hard?  No, I don’t think so…I think she is just excited to see what it’s like to have someone be a gentleman, to have someone respect her space, to have a conversation with a guy (other than her Dad) and be able to believe EVERY.SINGLE.WORD that is coming out of his mouth.  

She is taking the opportunity to get to know someone OUTSIDE of her circle (that she’s been trying to get out of).  He doesn’t even know any of her girlfriends.  They don’t have any classes together.  He appeared out of nowhere.  

We are happy for her.  We like Belt Buckle.  We will help her to take it slow, and enjoy the moment.Life is too short, to not live in the moment.  We parent so differently than alot of others do.   But we’ve never been parents before, so we do what works best for our family.   Sometimes we fly by the seat of our pants and pray.

Crazy title huh?   It’s been a crazy day! 

First off, I would like to introduce you to Belt Buckle.  Hubby and I just met him today, however we have heard of him MULTIPLE times.  We think that seriously God was looking down on us this morning thinking to himself, “those wack-jobs” need a great day today.  All 3 of us had one!   *Thank you!*

Anyway, I’ll describe Belt Buckle to you later…but I had to tell you all that right this very minute, our little tiny baby girl…BabyAm, is out with a new friend, yes – a guy friend.  I can’t believe it!   We are so happy that it is not the Liar Liar, I have been wanting to strangle for the past several months!  So, to be honest, we are just thrilled that she is being treated exactly how she should be treated, and she’s experiencing tonight, what her senior year SHOULD be like, with a gentleman! 

For those of you that may be concerned that we just let our precious princess loose, rest assured…her leash is pretty tight.  She’s been nonchalantly texting me their whereabouts, their plans and the best bit of assurance that we are thankful for…she is also with his entire family. 

Oh, I have so much to say!   However my mind is going too fast for my fingers…I’ll update you all tomorrow (or later if I can’t sleep!)

OMG, did I just write that I’m happy about our baby…DATING?????  
No, you’re right, I couldn’t have.  Whew!

But on a more serious note, please don’t think I’m off my rocker…I had to put the picture there for effect.   Our real excitement is that is a great self-esteem boost that BabyAm so desperately needed.   That AND that is not the aforementioned Liar Liar.   (aforementioned, thats a big word for me!)