Posts Tagged ‘Cancer’

My mind is so jumbled with STUFF that it hurts.  Decompressing isn’t an option right now.  So I work on it in my spare time.   3am.


When they arent nightmares or Daymares, then they are EXTREMELY VIVID.

3 for 3

One about someone (I’ve known since 1st grade) who was moving pretty far away.  And me needing to say goodbye.

One about GI Jane, her adorable new little guy and me being there as grandma because KK couldn’t.

And last night, after all the horrible visions of sadness I had during the day…I dreamed of me and KK having an amazing time (she was not as sick) laughing and having fun, out causing a ruckus.   I didn’t want to wake up.

I need more of those that aren’t.

When your head won’t stop playing the same horrible images over and over in your head, and you can’t wake up.


Only they aren’t JUST at night…


Those.   Both of those.

Recently, KK moved out into the country…well 25 minutes from town which does sort of constitute the country around here.   They are on 11 acres!

They invited us out there to celebrate Kool-aid’s birthday.   We couldn’t wait!   Both KK and I felt so excited to see one another again, that it was almost like Christmas Eve.   It’s been THAT long!

Barns, horse stalls (and a horse named Honey), an arena, and tons of farming land.   The house is amazing, and GI Jane has her own attached apartment out there which is nice as well.  Kool-aid can just run to his little 6 year old’s ever-lovin content, pretty much not get into too much trouble, and just be a BOY.

I loved it out there, so peaceful…quiet, serene.   I must admit I’m a little jealous but honestly I think I’m a city girl.  I think I would love to visit more often and soak up some of that wonderfulness she has out there, but I like being close to things…why?  I have no idea.

I was sitting on the love seat next to her, and she started moving around.  I thought maybe my foot was in her way (as I was sitting on one leg)…but she said no, and ended up moving so she was resting up against me.   Just like old times.   I really miss her.

Cancer takes a toll on everyone.   It sucks.   It’s taken over a year for her and I to find our “normal” again.   And I’m not sure that either of us have found what that means completely.    I know I’m getting closer, and I can see she is, just in her smile…we’ll get there.

Until then, I have this picture to remind me what a wonderful friend I have in her and that the bond we have is so completely different than what some might imagine.

                          I love you KK!


Some friends of ours just split up. I don’t have any details and it sucks. But right now my heart is broken, my stomach is churning, I am just so confused. I thought that they were one of the happiest couples we knew. I did however know that something was up, just couldn’t put my finger on it.

We’ve always told BabyAm that you never know what’s going on inside someone else’s house.

The jerk neighbors have had “Just Married” written all over their car (that hasn’t moved since that day) for over 2 months now. Why?

Same neighbors tore out all their cat-pee bushes and threw them in their front yard (over two weeks ago) and they are still there. Their grass is dying. Now the other neighbor has quit mowing their lawn for them, so it looks quite trashy. They are not renters. Who does this?

Now the two houses we look at every day out our window look like dumps. Nice.

One more week (7 days really), and it will be ONE year since I smoked a cigarette!!!! Well, both Hubby and I…can’t leave him out. We are doing so well.

I haven’t wanted to ask, but i hope one of my sweet friends who has been trying to lick the smoking habit too, is doing good with it. If she’s reading this, maybe she’ll let me know. I’ve not stopped rooting for her. You go girl!

Cancer still sucks. Chemo sucks. All the side effects of Chemo suck too. I think it sucks that I can’t help KK. It’s starting to really piss me off.

Our vacation (that I didn’t mention yet) was wonderful…we ate our way through Portland and Seattle…but my back ached the entire time, and my ankle…still not healed.

My “To Do” list is too long for me to even start writing it out.

I haven’t felt like blogging lately. I must be going through a “season”…I don’t know if I like it. I miss getting things off my chest.

Really…they split up? I still am in shock. Hurting for them both. So unexpected.

*sigh* Thanks for the dump.

It’s all fun and games until someone…

  • looses an eye?
  • falls down the stairs?
  • has hair coming back in GREY?


My hair is coming back in VERY dark. Scary dark. (The pictures below don’t show it though) I really had no idea. I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much. I seriously don’t believe the crap about Blondes having more fun, so what’s the problem here people???

I was sittin on the love-seat a week or so ago and Hubby jokingly (really he was joking) said that from where he was standing, I looked like an old man from behind… COME ON!

Say it isn’t so…this is what he saw…well from the top anyway…

It is so, isn’t it…?

And then last night, he took a couple picture of my head again…
only this time to show me that the Old Man he saw before,
might just be table condiments.

Salt an’ Peppa! AHHHH!!!!

I complain, whine and moan, but nothing can compare to what KK is going through.   Last night GI Jane’s Facebook said that Momma had a couple bald patches…which sucks.  The doctor told her that it wouldn’t be long after starting Chemo  about 12-18 days, and today is day 12.   Man its so strange how they can be right on the nose with crap like this.

Please keep KK and her family in your prayers, this journey for them is just beginning and it’s going to be a very long one.   Yesterday the announcement was reported (finally in the media) that GI Jane leaves for Iraq in September.   This totally could not have come at a worse time.  Thankfully KK has a great support team and GI Jane knows we’ll take great care of her Momma.

*according to our President’s campaign, he was going to have the troops ALL out of Iraq by May

Barack Obama will work with military commanders on the ground in Iraq and in consultation with the Iraqi government to end the war safely and responsibly within 16 months.

This is a direct quote from the Obama Campaign Website under “Ending the War Responsibly”

…ya we’ll just add that one to the long list of broken promises*

And lastly, there is no nice way to say this but, for those of you who know me personally, I am not a lover of political discussions and I know you will understand where I am coming from and is not meant for you.  This is my blog, and if you want to have any sort of political conversation with me, or leave me nasty comments because of the above quote…don’t bother, I will delete them.

I’m angry.

I hate cancer!

I hate that my BF had cancer.

I  hate seeing her go through this.

I hate cancer!

I hate statistics.

I hate that she got more shitty news today.

I hate that I don’t know how to help her.

I hate that I can’t be there for her 24/7.

I hate cancer!

Just a few things I thought I’d share…

The End.