Archive for October, 2012

I haven’t heard from my daughter in 79 hours…or what honestly feels like an eternity.

Safe? Alive? Able to drive?

I’m beat up.
Kick me while I’m down anyone?

Trying to decide if I should call and see if I can get into the doc a couple days early. Or ride it out.

Today was another non- productive day. Saw on the arrest report a girl I went to school with, who’s daughter passed away from a rare form of MS just less than 6 months ago….was arrested for Felony obtaining drugs by fraud….

I don’t want that to be me…the poor thing didn’t even look like herself. Heartbreaking.

Ugh. I wish I could hug away her pain.

And mine.

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The problem is hurting her, and everyone around her.

On October 17th, 2012 I had to come to a very heartbreaking realization…

My beautiful daughter is a lying manipulative addict. And the only thing I can do for her is love her.

It’s been 10 days.

We are broken.
Sad, scared, angry, helpless, hopeless.

BabyAm…you know 100% in your heart that we, and your family are here to love you each and every time you reach out for it.

It’s harder than I could have ever imagined, to know that you don’t care right now, and that we can not keep you safe.

We hope you are safe. You are loved more than words can ever express.

Not knowing where your child is or if she’s safe…makes me anxious, angry, afraid, nauseous.

I feel like I’m in mourning. Mourning the loss of my baby.

….missing the very reason for my existence.

I’m terribly sad, hurting.

I love my daughter. I don’t love the disease.

One day at a time.