Archive for May, 2012

May you finally be resting in pure peace.
You will be deeply and fondly missed.

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I just noticed how the majority of my last few posts were about loss.  Not only are life and death so very complicated, but unpredictable as well.

I did end up going up to see KK and her mom last night for a couple hours.  I knew I needed to be there.   I would want her there with me.   Even though everyone in the family has said their goodbyes to her mom… for some reason she is still hanging on.   Almost like someone has not completely let go, or she is not wanting to let go.   It’s so heartbreaking.   Such a wonderful woman, with a heart of gold.   The nurses said that she is sedated enough not to be in any pain, thankfully.   I just wish there was something I could do for all of them.

We have no idea when our time will come, or the time for our loved ones.   I just feel like finding the positives, and the love for life almost impossible during times like this.   I do hope that there is a better place after death…I do.

May we all find peace and comfort in times of pain and sorrow, regardless of our differences in spirituality.  I wish I knew what mine was.

 

I’m finding so many things in life complicated and concerning lately.

KK’s mom probably won’t make it through tonight, such a hard thing to say goodbye to a parent.  I can’t imagine how hard that is.  She’s been through so much.   I say she, and mean both of them really.  I am terrified to go through it.  I wish I could be right there with her.  Why am I not there now?

A couple that I went to school with lost a daughter (24 years old) this past week to a form of Muscular Dystrophy.  She left behind two small children.  She was TOO YOUNG!

My heart aches a lot lately.

Being judged.  Friends with Cancer.  Family getting older.  Children (in general) making bad decisions.  Friends with questionable marriages.  Aging.  Loss.  Animal cruelty.  The economy.

I could go on, and on.   Those are just a few of the ones that I can list quickly.

It’s no wonder there are so many people who are depressed.

Such sadness.

Sometimes when you ask for something you get told no.   Usually there is a good reason.  But when the reason is so unclear, it makes it so much harder to accept.

I’m not exactly sure what I was trying to accomplish by asking…but I knew I needed to ask.  I don’t believe I expected a publishers clearinghouse type welcome, but I was hoping for more.  More information, more excitement, more interest, more curiosity…just more.

It felt like rejection.  But deep down, I know it wasn’t.  It was very simply a thank you, but no thank you.  It was not a “NEVER”, but it was definitely a “not anytime soon”.

Someday, I hope I get the phone call, email or letter that I really was searching for, but until then I will do my best to be patient and know that now my existence is known, and I am accessible.

…the truth of the matter is, some people will always be in our hearts, even though they are not in our lives…

Whoever wrote that, was brilliant.